


Let the Past Die, Kill it if You Have to

by 18xtina18



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angry Kylo Ren, Bye Bye Resistance, Daddy Issues, Dark Kylo Ren, Dark fic, F/M, I hate happy endings, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Murder, My First Fanfic, No Redemption Here, Obsessed Kylo, Reylo - Freeform, Snoke might be dead idk yet we’ll see, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Violence, all aboard the pain train, chapters will be longer i promise, dont hate me, it may suck or not, kylo is lonely too, let the past die, might be sorry but might not be, possible skywalker baby, rey is lonely, sad rey, snoke isn't dead, very dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-04-14 07:43:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14131368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/18xtina18/pseuds/18xtina18
Summary: Post TLJ AU“Rey are you…?”“Pregnant!” she finished for him through tears.Finn’s face was a mess of confusion and disappointment. “Wait what? I was going to say ok. Your really pregnant? How did this happen?”





	1. I feel it Too

Chapter 1  
 _Let the past die, kill it if you have to_. Rey awoke with a shudder reacting to the whisper of those words spoken by a monster. She sat up and stretched, pulling her boots on and opened the door to her room and made her way to the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon. Finn and Poe were already awake and dressed eating breakfast while Chewie was flying the ship.

“Rey, you look like shit” Finn accused in between bites of his ration.  
She gave him an annoyed look and ignored his accusation on her way to the co-pilot chair.  
“Come on I didn’t mean it like that,”

Rey had spaced for a second only hearing bits of the partial apology, “Really it’s fine I’m not mad”, Finn exhaled a sigh of relief, “I just haven’t slept well. I haven’t slept well since….since…”

“Since Ren killed everyone in the Resistance”. Rey looked down at that and let out a deep sigh. Yes since he had killed the only mother figure she had in her life. First Han then Luke and now Leia. Every person she had ever allowed herself to look up to and love, has been murdered…by him…she shuddered involuntarily again. She thought about the bond they shared, well still share. She could feel him through the force bond, could really feel his emotions. They were so strong, anger, sadness, rage, a lot of rage, and even hurt. Now that she shut him out she can’t feel anything from him.

“Rey you couldn’t have known.” Finn’s voice goes soft and pulls her into a friendly hug. “How could you have known that your connection with Ren could have given away our location”.

Rey’s eyes fill with tears, she knows it’s her fault. She could have shut him out much sooner, she was so angry at him since the throne room. He told her she was nothing that she was nobody. Then he had the audacity to ask, no demand that she join him. He really thought that she would leave her friends behind and join him to rule the galaxy? Oh she was angry, and he was relentless.

After she and what remained of the Resistance escaped, he would come to her at night and he would be a tornado of emotions. Some nights he would beg her to reconsider, other nights he would scream and fight with her. She had been a fool, a silly little girl who thought that she could save this monster, save him from himself. It hadn’t been clear to her then but it is now. He doesn’t want to be saved. He is exactly who he wants to be.

“Rey?”

Why did she do that? This wasn’t some small mistake, this was a big mistake. Her foolish, unrealistic expectations to find the real man behind the mask and bring him to the light, caused the Resistance to fall.

“Rey!”

  
She snapped out of her stupor and looked up to see Finn standing in front of her with worry in his eyes. She looked down to her hands resting on her stomach and started to cry harder.

“Rey are you…?”

“Pregnant!” she finished for him through tears.  
Finn’s face was a mess of confusion and disappointment. “Wait what? I was going to say ok. Your really pregnant? How did this happen?”

  
This only mad Rey cry harder. Her emotions were out of control and she wasn’t about to talk about what happened. No she couldn’t, Finn wouldn’t understand.

“Whose the father?” He demanded with hurt in his eyes.

  
“Kylo Ren” she whispered. There she finally said his name. “Kylo Ren is the father”.


	2. Alone in Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I left you guys with a cliff hanger to entice you to read more. This chapter is a little smutty. Not too smutty because this is a house of learned Doctors! I'll let you decide, but it is much longer then the last. Hopefully they will continue to be this length. Send me some feedback love it or hate it, enjoy!

Chapter 2

 _Rey_ ….. He was trying to open their bond but all he got back was silence. This enraged him. Standing on the bridge of the _Finalizer_ he lost all his composure and did what Kylo Ren does best, destroy everything around him. His lightsaber hummed to life and he started swinging, destroying computers, desks and anything else that stood in his path.

Why is she shutting him out? Can’t she see that he did it for her? The Resistance was full of faulty ideals from the remnants of the Old Republic. None of the supposed Democracies had done anything for the galaxy except sprout corrupt politicians. Politicians who were more concerned with lining their pockets then actually creating order and peace. His anger continues to boil at this notion. She’s a scavenger from the Rim, how could she be so blind. Democracy has done nothing for her shit hole of a home world, Jakku. So, what if he tricked her? He’s a Sith, that is what Sith do, manipulate and deceive. But he did it for far more then power, he did it for love. Yes, Kylo Ren Prince of Darkness was in love, with Rey.

 _Fucking Bitch_ , he thought to himself as he started to level out his emotions. His tantrum had ended and he had left a mess of wires and broken instruments in his wake. The dark side feeds off his emotions and after these tantrums he feels powerful and more in control.

“I see your new position within the first order has taught you to control your temper”, Kylo turned quickly to see Hux sneering at him with contempt from the doorway of the bridge. Oh how he hated this man, fucking prick.

Kylo effortless lifted his hand to put Hux in a Force choke hold. “That’s Supreme Leader Ren to you Armitage Hux”, he snarled. He won’t even give this man the respect to address him by his military title and he knew this would get under his skin. “Snoke isn’t around to protect you or your position anymore so I suggest you find a way to make yourself useful to me” Hux’s face was wide with fear as it turned blue. Kylo released him and stormed off the bridge leaving a gasping Hux alone.

I will have order and respect. He mused. He killed his master, the great Supreme Leader Snoke, and he will not tolerate snarky irritating Hux challenging his authority. He made his way back to his room still thinking about Rey. He removed his helmet and looked at his reflection in the mirror. His yellow eyes were jarring, even for him to look at.

Killing Supreme Leader Snoke and the remainder of the resistance required a lot of darkness. He has been pulled so far to the dark that his eyes have turned into bright yellow Sith eyes. Kylo can’t stand looking at them, it’s just a reminder of how deep he has gone down the path of darkness. Yes there had been conflict within him and the darker his power gets the stronger his pull to the light. That’s why he wants, no _needs_ Rey.

She is the light in his life and she alone can cleanse him of the blood that is on his hands. _Gods_ , he needs her. He can feel his anger boiling again threatening to erupt. He thinks back to his first encounters with Rey through the force after she had rejected him in the throne room. Kylo would find ways to open their force bond and appear to her. Those first few times he was angry. He would scream and curse her for not letting go, for standing with terrorists who do nothing to create peace, only bring more war.

As time passed and the feeling of that initial rejection faded his resolve softened with her. He begged her to change her mind. Ever since their first encounter in the woods on Takodana he had felt a connection with her. When she bested him in the forest on Starkiller that’s when he knew, he wanted _her_.

They had touched hands through their force bond, connecting as if she was standing there with him. A knock on the door to his quarters snapped him out of his thoughts. He quickly put his helmet back on so nobody would see what he really had become. He opened the door to his room with the force and a timid Lieutenant entered.

“Supreme Leader Ren,” he trembled, “I’m s-sure you already knew this but the ceremony is s-soon”.

“What Ceremony,” He snapped.

“T-the m-memorial for the late S-supreme leader Snoke” Fuck, he had forgot about that, Kylo’s patience is waning listening to this pathetic man who couldn’t speak a coherent sentence without stuttering. “W-we are also announcing the e-end of the resistance and the beginning of y-your rule, the shuttles are leaving f-for Coruscant s-shortly” he trembled. Kylo doesn’t reply, he’s still lost in his thoughts about Rey.

He dismisses the Lieutenant with a wave of his hands and heads to the hangar bay to board his shuttle. His thoughts drift back to the first night he kissed her.

She had just left a briefing where they were discussing ways to raise their numbers, since they had lost so many personal before they escaped Crait. Rey was back in her room changing out of her clothes when she felt his presence.

“Planning my demise?”

She blushed and fumbled to throw on a shirt before turning around to face him. “I guess some privacy would be too much to ask for?”

His mouth curls into a smirk and winks at her, “For what it’s worth I enjoyed the view”

Is he flirting with her? Rey rolls her eyes “What do you want now?”

“Just needed to see you”, he says simply.

“Well I haven’t changed my mind about anything, and I’m not in the mood to argue tonight Kylo it’s been a long day”.

His eyes grow dark and his smile fades back into the flat cold gaze, typical of Kylo Ren. His face is unreadable and that’s what scares her most. When he gets into these moods he can become violent in seconds.

“We can end the war” he counters, his face still cold and unreadable.

Rey trembles with frustration. They’ve had this pointless conversation for weeks now, and it always ends badly. She turns him down and then he reacts in a violent outburst. She can see that this conversation is going to end exactly the same and she’s tired of it.

“You mean killing my friends!” she yells. “Kylo Ren if you think I’m going to help you kill the only people who have ever cared about me, then you’ve really lost your mind”. She points her finger accusingly at him and glares back at him. Now she’s angry, and tired. Tired of being asked to join the dark side, tired of being badgered by this man child, and tired of being connected to Kylo Ren.

“Let the past die Rey!” His face is now flush with anger. “You’re still holding on!” His fists clench and Rey cuts him off before he can continue.

“Of course I’m holding on! This is my family. My real family just dumped me in a desert and left me to die! So fuck you Kylo Ren! Fuck you for expecting me to give that up!”

His face softens a little and he can’t help but feel sorry for her. This sad, lonely scavenger girl who is so alone that she equates family with a bunch of murderous terrorists. He looks at her face and behind the anger that is strewn across her face he sees, _beauty_. He can’t think clearly and his eyes move to her lips. They are plump and poutty and he does something he never thought he’d do, he kisses them.

Rey’s anger fell to confusion as Kylo Ren takes her face into his hands and kisses her passionately. The kiss lasts only second before he pulls away. She is speechless, unsure of what to say or even think. She may have even liked it a little.

Kylo is unsure how to read her reaction. She hasn’t slapped him yet so that’s good enough for him to continue. He pulls her back into another kiss and this time she is ready for it, and reciprocates. He bites her bottom lip and her body melts around him as she moans with pleasure. His hands slide gently from her face down to her hips and he wraps his big arms around her and pulls her closer to him.

She gasps when she feels his bulge pressed against her leg. He moves his mouth from hers and kisses his way down her neck. _Gods_ \--she’s never felt this much pleasure in her life. She had no idea she could feel like this, no idea that _Kylo Ren_ could make her feel like this.

He slides his hand own lower over her hipbone and down her trousers. She squirms, cooing and mewling, arching and caving as he curls his fingers into the damp of her underwear. She is so wet and he’s never been so turned on. The feeling of her warm throbbing sex around his fingers is driving him mad. He can feel himself throbbing beneath his pants and there is nothing he wants more then to be inside her.

He removes his hand and her body responds in protest wanting more. Gently, he guides her back to the bed and lies her down without breaking their kiss. She comes up for air and looks deeply into his eyes as if seeing him for the first time. Who knew that Kylo Ren could be so gentle? Kiss so deeply, pleasure her so effortlessly. This is the first time she is seeing him as he is, the man behind the mask and it almost moves her to tears. Kylo sees the tears start to form in her eyes and his brows furrow in confusion. Has he hurt her?

“What’s wrong? Am I hurting you?” He asks worriedly. Rey shakes her head and the tears start to fall and she smiles up at him.

“No,” she whispers, “I just never thought I could have this”.

Kylo strokes her cheek and kisses the tears away. “Rey you’re an amazing woman. You survived growing up alone in a desert and any man who rejects you would be a blind fool”. He asserts.

She sits up slightly and tugs at his tunic. He complies and strips off the layers until there is nothing left but skin. She traces the scars on his chest and presses deep kisses into them, and he can feel himself getting hard again. He peels her shirt and then follows with both of their pants until they both lay naked together. Kylo hovers over her brushing his member against her sex. She shudders as she grabs his waist pushing him into her. Their connection ignites.

 _Fuck she feels good_. He groans as he pushes into her and she is rolling with pleasure beneath him. They merge as one and melt into each other. Her light shines through washing his dark sins away, and it is almost like a drug. Yes his call to the light is strong, and Rey is the one that can cleanse him. They move in sync until they climax together.

He pulls out of her and she sighs feelings happy and relaxed. He pulls her over to him and wraps his arms around her and rests his head on her shoulder. She shivers beneath him.

“You cold?” he asks softly

“Yes. I’m always cold here. You can take the girl out of the desert but you can’t take the desert out of the girl”, she replies in a sleepy sexed stupor.

He pulls her tighter hoping to heat her up. “Where is here?” he asks

“Hoth,” she yawns “I’ll never come back here again when we leave,” she asserts. “Luckily, I’ll be off world recruiting tomorrow, I hate the cold”.

Hoth—he muses. The Resistance fled to Hoth. His face curls into a dark smile and he kisses the back of her neck and she snuggles into him falling asleep. If she won’t choose between him and the Resistance then he’ll make that choice for her. Tomorrow she will be gone and he and his Knights can lead a strike team to take out what remains of the terrorists. Rey is _his_. After what they just shared he never wants to let her go, and the only way to do that is to destroy the past. It’s the only way she can move forward. His eyes feel heavy and their connection fades leaving him alone in his room while Rey is somewhere else in space.

                                          ****

The shuttle lands on Coruscant and Kylo is back in the present. _Rey_ …he tries their bond again and the same silence fills the room. He is alone, always alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor, sad, dark Kylo. He doesn't understand real love or what trust looks like. I enjoyed this chapter to give you guys some back story but there's more coming so stick along for the ride!


	3. Slaughter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning major character death, and possible disturbing content. We find out what really happened on Hoth while Rey was away.

Chapter 3:

“Kylo Ren” she whispered. There she finally said his name. “Kylo Ren is the father”.

Finn’s face changes from hurt, to confusion, then to anger. “Kylo Ren? Since when have you been sleeping with Kylo _fucking_ Ren!” He’s angry now and Rey doesn’t know what to say.

She thinks back to the night they shared together through their bond. She thought she was seeing a different side of him, the softer more human side. She’s crying still but the thought that she could change him after one night in bed is laughable.

Poe interrupts their standoff with a look of pity, “Finn maybe we should give her some space”. Poe is always trying to be the rational one and maybe its his age.

“No”, Finn asserts, “No, I’m sorry but we need to talk about this”. He’s furious now and she can’t find the words to argue.

“Your _boyfriend_ , just killed everyone we’ve ever known! Your friends Rey, he killed your friends,” he sneers.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” she corrects meekly.

Finn laughs out loud and starts pacing rubbing his hands over his eyes trying to make sense of this situation.

“He killed his mother in that raid Rey, who is sick and twisted enough to kill their own Mother?” His voice softens a little and he reaches out to her. She accepts his hand and allows herself to be pulled into a hug.

“I’m trying to understand this,” he continues brushing her hair out of her eyes with his fingers. She looks up at him her face full of regret. “How far along are you?”

“Six weeks,” she whispers

“The attack on the Resistance was six weeks ago”

She closes her eyes and musters up the courage to face what she already knows. “I know”

“I know you guys have that weird force bond thing and I’m not going to pretend I understand how it works, but did you tell him where we were?” He asks gently

She pulls away from Finn’s hug and looks him in the eyes. She has to be honest. Finn, Poe and Chewie are the only friends she has left and she has to be honest with them, or she’ll lose them too.

“I did,” she atones, “He tricked me into telling him, but it’s my fault. I know who he is and I know what he’s done”. Finn’s face falls but at least he’s not angry anymore. “I wasn’t thinking, it slipped out of my mouth after we, after we—you know”. She won’t say it. Clearly this baby is evidence enough of what they had done.

“Oh Rey,” Finn brings his hand up to cup her face catching her tears. “It’s not your fault. He preyed on your loneliness, he’s a Sith, evil and conniving. I don’t blame you”.

She smiles weakly at him, “Thanks Finn, do you forgive me?”

He smiles ruefully back at her, “I could never stay mad at you. You’re my best friend. I don’t understand what you could even see in him, especially after he sliced me up with his sword and left me for dead, but I forgive you”.

It feels like a weight off her chest and she is in awe of just how fierce her friendship is with these guys.

“How do you know you’re six weeks?” Finn asks.

“I can feel it through the force”. She remembers that first time she experienced morning sickness. She knew then it wasn’t just food poisoning she could feel the imprint of the fetus growing inside her.

Initially, she hated it, she wanted it out of her body. This thing is part Kylo Ren and that made her sick to her stomach. Another Skywalker is not what the galaxy needs. They are obsessed with the Force, they think they own the Force. Every war in this last century has been caused by the Skywalker clan and their obsession with controlling the Force and bringing peace to the Galaxy in their own twisted delusional way.

Rey has lived a simple life focused on surviving each day up until she met the Skywalkers. Learning how to scavenge wrecks from the battle of Jakku in order to eat for the day was her only cross to bear. The Skywalkers see themselves as chosen ones, placed in the galaxy to balance the force. Well she’ll be damned if she lets this baby have anything to do with the Skywalkers and their stupid Force. She wants a simple life for her and this child, she won’t be telling _him._ She is going to do everything in her power to keep this child from Kylo Ren. Her baby will not become dark like Kylo.

She wipes the tears away and pulls herself together. She needs a plan. She has more than just herself to worry about and this baby will be counting on her.

 

“He can’t find out about this baby,” she says with a clear head.

“Hell no!” Finn agrees.

“We need to think of a plan. I’ve been able to shut down our bond for 6 weeks. So, he knows nothing at this point”. She racks her brain thinking of ways to make this work. Obviously, she’ll have to live in the Rim again, far away from Coruscant, and far enough away from Kylo Ren. She’ll have to get a simple job and hide in plain sight. She’ll have to do something that won’t attract the attention of the order.

Forget helping Finn and Poe rebuild the Resistance, she has her baby to think about now and she won’t risk the baby’s safety for anything, even if she hates the First Order. Rey is lost in thought back in survival mode, thinking of how this can work when Finn cuts in.

“I’ll help you raise the baby,”

“No, I can’t ask you to do that,” she says shaking her head.

“You didn’t ask me, I’m telling you, this is what I want” He looks her in the eyes and she knows he means it.

“I love you Rey. I have loved you since you tried attack me with your staff on Jakku,” his eyes are soft and she smiles remembering. This has all happened so fast. It hasn’t even been 6 months since her life changed forever the day BB-8 showed up on Jakku asking for her help.

“We can move to Tatooine. I’ll get a labor job and you can get a job as a mechanic while we raise the baby. I won’t pretend to be his father, I’ll let you figure out how to handle that but I won’t abandon you to do this on your own”. She throws her arms around him in a big hug and she is grateful. Grateful for Finn, grateful to have a friend who would give up his life for _her_ , to raise his enemy’s child.

Finn pulls back from the embrace and kisses her gently on the lips. “I’m here for you, Rey. I’ll always be here for you.” He pulls away and leaves her alone in the cockpit to gather his things to start their new life.

She brushes her fingers on her lips thinking about the kiss. She didn’t feel an electric spark, didn’t feel herself melt into the kiss. She suddenly feels sad. Sad that she will have to raise this child alone, well sort of. Sad that her child can never know his or her father. Sad that the kiss made her feel nothing. Finn is a good man, a man who truly loves her, and yet when he kissed her all she could think was, _he’s not Ben_. Ben—no Kylo. He hasn’t been Ben in 7 years. She thought she was seeing Ben when he kissed her. That was a lie. Everything that comes out of Kylo’s mouth is a fucking lie. She hates him—no _loathes_ him.  

Chewie growls at her softly and she gives him a half smile as he pats her shoulder. He knew Ben before Ben became Kylo Ren.

Chewie gives her a sad look before giving her some advice.

“I know I need to stay away from him. He killed Han and he killed Leia, I won’t let him destroy this baby too”.

Chewie responds in agreement and goes back to piloting the Falcon. He sets a course for Tatooine to drop her and Finn off.

Rey pulls her knees to her chest, her mind wanders back to six weeks ago when all hell broke loose.

 

****

 

Rey woke up alone. Kylo was gone. She didn’t think it was possible to touch him, hold him, make love to him through the bond. Her body ached, but she didn’t mind. She felt like they had a break through last night. He was so gentle with her, so in tune with what her body wanted, _needed_ from him. She sat up and headed to the ‘fresher to get ready for the day. She stripped off her clothes and let the warm water run down her body, washing away what was left of Kylo. _Rey…_ she could hear him calling to her through the bond and it made her smile.

She had too much to do today to worry about him. _Later…_ she thought back to him. The promise of what would come was enough for him and he let her bed.

She finished in the ‘fresher and pulled on her clothes and headed to the conference room for their mission brief.

Her clothes still smelled like him and it was intoxicating. She could feel herself becoming slightly aroused at the thought of what they did last night.

“Ground control to Major Tom,”

Rey snapped from her thoughts to see Finn standing playfully in front of her. She giggled at his silliness and retorted playfully, “You mean Jedi”. She loves her friends. Finn always finds a way to make her smile.

“Someone’s in a good mood today.”

Rey blushes a little and turns away grabbing a seat at the large wooden conference table. Yes, today is a good day, she woke up in a great mood and now she is here surrounded by friends.

General Organa entered the room and the chatter died down. Poe stands beside the General and gives her a playful wink.

“Many of our dear friends, brothers and sisters in arms have joined the Force,” she starts somberly. “They died fighting they tyranny of the first order and it is up to us to ensure this movement lives on.” The room is silent and the handful of Resistance fighters left nod in agreement.

“Supreme Leader Snoke is dead, killed by his own apprentice Kylo Ren”. Rey starts to clam up hoping that the General won’t announce her part in killing Snoke. How would she even be able to explain to the others that she fought with Kylo. They would wonder why he left her alive.

“Snoke may be dead, but Kylo Ren has taken the seat of Supreme Leader. He is just as oppressive and deadly as his Predecessor.” Leia’s face falls when she says his name.

It must be hard for her to talk about her son this way Rey thinks. Leia last saw her son when he was an awkward moody teenager. Now she sees him as oppressive and deadly.

“We can’t stay here much longer. This old Rebel base barely survived the battle of Hoth during the Empire. We must plead our case to our allies and get their backing and financial support if we want to rebuild the Resistance.”

The room fills with chatter as everyone takes this in. It’s going to take an Army to defeat the First Order and right now there is barely 30 of them left. The noise eventually dies down and the General proceeds, “Our allies need to see faces they recognize from the Holonet. They need to know we have not given up”. She pauses for a moment and her eyes find Reys.

“Rey, Poe and Finn you three will join Chewie on the Falcon and head to Naboo to plead our case for more bodies and more ships”.

Finn playfully punches her arm, excited to spend time with his friends. Rey knows General Organa’s mother was once the Queen of Naboo. If any planet will back them it’s going to be Naboo.

“The rest of us will spend time doing maintenance on the remaining ships in the fleet and search this old base for anything we can salvage. Let’s not waste any time,” she ends. The chatter picks up again as Team leaders dole out assignments and Rey squeezes her way out of the room to pack for her trip.

“Rey,” General Organa calls to her and it stops her in her tracks. “Rey I would like to speak with you about something private if you don’t mind”.

Rey can’t look her in the eyes but nods her head and follows the General to one of the storage rooms.

The General wastes no time and gets right to it, “I know you were with Ben when he killed Snoke.”

Rey doesn’t know what to say, but she has to be truthful. “Yes, I was.”

“It’s ok Rey, I’m not mad. Chewie told me he delivered you to _The Supremacy_ to meet Ben”. There is no malice in her face and her features are soft as she speaks. “How is my son?”

“He wouldn’t be turned, I’m sorry I tried,” She says simply. Leia doesn’t need to hear the rest. She doesn’t need to know she still talks to him and she especially doesn’t need to know what they did together. She isn’t lying, she is just keeping certain things to herself.

“I’ve accepted long ago that Ben is who he is,” Leia says sadly. “He’s not a little boy anymore, there is no need to make excuses for him. I’ve stopped long ago.” She pulls Rey into a warm hug and continues, “Thank you for trying.” Leia says this genuinely and gives Rey another warm motherly smile before she leaves the room.

Rey exhales and walks back to her room to pack. A couple hours later their shuttle takes off towards Naboo.

They jump to hyperspace and the three friends settle into the Falcon’s crew bunks to take a nap on their eight-hour journey.

Rey falls asleep easily and dreams of Kylo. She imagines his touch, his kiss, dragging her fingers through his long black locks. It’s almost like she can feel him again, their bodies tangled together under her sheets, his big muscular arms wrapped around her, holding her tight. Suddenly these thoughts are replaced by screams, horrible terrible screams. Her good dream dissolves into a nightmare. Kylo is still there but he’s not the sweet gentle man she experienced last night. This Kylo is full of anger and contempt. She can’t make out the other people in her dream but she can feel their fear. Kylo ignites his lightsaber, his crimson blade crackling as he drives it through a warm body. He continues down the hall leaving bodies in his wake. _Rey…_ he whispers, and she awakes startled, panting and trembling.

She tries to reach out to him through their bond but all she gets is silence. Rey has a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. She quickly throws on her boots and hurries to the cockpit to see Chewie crying. Seeing the Wookie cry is enough to confirm her worst fears, her dream was real.

Suddenly she feels dizzy and she can’t breathe. Those weren’t nameless people in her dream they were members of the Resistance. Kylo had found their base and is murdering them, all of them. She slides down to the floor slowly tears welling in her eyes. As she searches for the right words to speak. “Chewie what is happening,” Chewie’s voice is sad and low and he presses a button to replay a message.

In the background she can hear emergency sirens and the screams of people as Kylo Ren and crew hack them down. “Chewie, Rey, Finn, Poe,” the General gasps. There is genuine fear in her voice. “I don’t know how, but they have found us. There is no quarter and we will all be dead within the hour,” she pauses briefly as the sound of the screams grow closer. “Whatever you do, don’t come back here. It’s too late, there are too many of them. You four are all that’s left of the Resistance. Get to our allies, rebuild, don’t let us die in vain”.

Rey can hear the sound of footsteps approaching and the distinctly familiar crackle of Kylo Ren’s lightsaber. Her heart stops. He retracts his lightsaber and speaks.

“Mother”. His voice is filled with malice and contempt, it’s the voice of Kylo Ren not her Ben. He’s wearing his mask.

“Ben”. Leia’s voice is cold and unemotional. “Take off that ridiculous mask. I want to look my son in the eyes when he kills me,” she continues.

Rey can’t stop the tears. She is sobbing and she doesn’t want to hear any more of this.

“As you wish,” he replies and she can hear the helmet drop to the floor. She hears the lightsaber crackle to life and then thud of a body drop to the floor.

The transmission ends, and Rey screams.

Finn and Poe rush out from their rooms and find Chewie crying and Rey wailing and they know.

***

Chewie puts his hand on her shoulder and Rey snaps out of her stupor. The memory of hearing the slaughter over the transmission brought tears to her eyes. She wipes the tears away and blocks the memory from her mind. Kylo is right she needs to leave the past behind, and she starts with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys I hope it wasn't too much. I'm trying to keep a pattern when switching POV. This chapter is Rey's POV with a memory flashback. It might have been a little dark but I did warn everyone in the tags. I don't like cliche happy endings and this fic isn't going to be happy. It's going to be sad and dark and this is just the beginning. The Kylo Ren/Rey pain train is leaving the station so abandon fic, if that's not your cup of tea. Thanks for those who have subscribed and I have been putting off a couple of papers for school to continue the story. I have to start adulting again, boo, so hopefully I can get chapter 4 out by Sunday night. Thanks for all the feedback and comments so far!


	4. There is No Death, Only the Force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for leaving you hanging for so long. Adulting sucks but now I am a free woman for the summer.

__Kylo exits his ship after it touches down on Courasent. He can see the crowd formed around the platform in the center square. The platform was erected on the site where the old Jedi temple stood. The same temple his grand-father destroyed in the beginning days of the clone wars. The site was filled with dark energy. The screams of the murdered Jedi from the past echoed around him. He let the echoes of fear, anger and death flow through him as he basked in the dark energy.

  He opened his eyes feeling renewed and continued towards the throne in the center of the stage. The stage was draped in First Order symbols and Regala. People needed to know who the victor was. 4 prisoners kneeled in the center of the stage, their wrists bound and their heads hidden by black bags. 

   Rey’s betrayal hurt him deeply and he will channnel that hurt into vengeance. He will turn his weakness into power and give Rey what she deserves. He took his place in on his throne and held up a hand to silence his he crowd. They kneeled before him as a show of complete and total devotion. 

“Rise,” he commanded. The crowd obeyed and waited in silence as Hux entered the stage to speak. 

“Citizens is the First Order. We are gathered here to mourn the loss of our great leader Supreme Leader Snoke.” Hux’s voice revealed his own feelings of pain and loss. “He was a great leader, fearless and merciful,” he paused briefly for effect and then continued. “He was murdered....by a _Jedi.”_ The crowd erupted in whispers and chatter after this reveal. 

  A smirk spread across Kylo’s face. He had given Rey multiple chances to ditch her terrorist friends and join him. He had begged her, reached out to her in the Force and yet she still denied him. If she won’t willingly accept him then he will make her public enemy number one. Her constant rejection of him is infuriating and he’s done asking. 

   Hux waited until the crowd quieted again to continue. “He was murdered by the Resistance Jedi Rey of Jakku”. He fiddled with his datapad and blew up a picture of Rey for the crowd. 

Kylo stood up and addressed the crowd, “She is the last Jedi. She will be hunted down and brought to justice for her crimes. I’m offering 10-million credits for her capture...alive”. 

                       *********

    Not long until they would arrive at Anchorhead spaceport. Rey was pacing at the back of the ship unable to sit still. Soon she would leave with Finn and say goodbye to Chewie and Poe...Forever... She couldn’t risk being caught with the resistance and part of disappearing would mean saying goodbye to her friends. She could do this, no they could do this. She rubbed her belly softly and spoke to her baby, “We’ll be safe here little one”. She felt a kick and smiled. The baby trusted her and she won’t do anything to break that trust. 

   Part of sacrificing meant giving up more then just her friends, it also meant giving up the Force. Her Force signature could give her away and she knew Kylo wouldn’t stop searching. By cutting herself off from the Force he can’t track her. 

She doesn’t care anyways. Fuck the Force, she thinks. It’s been nothing but trouble and heartbreak since she awakened the Force inside of her. She won’t choose the Force over her baby. 

“Rey...” Finn calls to her from the front of the ship. “REY!” He call again. She frowns and walks to the front of the ship to see what’s going on. Finns tone worries her. She walks over to Finn and Poe whose eyes are focused on the holonet. Her picture fills the frame and she gasps. 

“They are labeling you a murderer,” Finn said softly. “Ren and Hux are pinning Snoke’s murder on you. Why would they do that you weren’t even there”. 

Rey says nothing but her face says everything. 

“You were there,” he sighs. “So it’s true you killed Snoke?” 

“I was there but Kylo killed Snoke”, Rey admits. 

Finn says nothing and waits for her to continue. Poe doesn’t look surprised at all and she thinks Leia informed him. 

“I went there to turn Kylo. He appeared to many times through our bond and once we touched hands I saw his future. He was changed and I thought if I went there I could help him come back to the light”. Finn nodded encouraging her to continue. 

“Snoke ordered him to kill me but he spared me and killed his master instead. When I asked him to come with me he refused. Obviously I was wrong about him”. 

“It makes sense that he would blame you for Snoke. Any footage from the Supremacy that remained would show you entering the throne room. You are his perfect scapegoat,” Finn agreed. 

Rey felt relieved that Finn wasn’t upset with her for keeping this a secret. “ so your not upset?” She asked meekly. 

Finn placed his arm around her shoulder and smiled. “ No I’m not mad. You truly are amazing. You see the best in everyone, even the ones that don’t deserve your kindness”. 

   Poe ruined the moment with a grave look in his eyes. “Rose,” he cried. 

      Rey and Finn moved away from each other and looked at the datapad to see none other then Rose Tiaco kneeling on the stage in front of Emporer Ren. 

Rey could feel bile rise in her throat. She knew what was about to happen. This was going to be an execution. A very public one. 

                       

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it please post feedback!


	5. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is leaving behind everything she knows to run from Kylo Ren. Kylo is doing everything to find her. Neither understands what the other wants.

Rey couldn’t take her eyes off the datapad. If she couldn’t be there with Rose in person then she will be there with her in spirt. Finn was pacing around, unable to calm himself down.

“I won’t watch this,” Finn said sternly.

Rey didn’t have the strength to reply.

“If we watch this then he wins. He wants us to watch this, he wants to get back at you,” Finn pointed out.

She knows this. This is exactly the reaction Kylo wants from her. She will not cower in fear, but she will not engage no matter how dire the consequences. She won’t do anything to jeopardize her baby.

She continues to watch as Finn paces and rants aloud. Kylo is in front of the prisoners now.

“Today marks the end of the Resistance. Today we will have peace,” Kylo roars to the crowd. Cheers erupt, and tears start to fall down Rey’s face.

Kylo brings his lightsaber up and begins to behead the prisoners. He stops at Rose and the camera zooms in on her face.

Rey can hardly see through the tears, but she can see how terrified Rose is. She scared and alone moments before the end of her life and Rey can’t think of a worse way to go. This is her biggest fear, dying alone.

Kylo whispers something to her that is inaudible to the audience and seconds later it’s over. Rose is no more. Poe throws his data pad and curses. This is not the way Rey wanted to leave Poe and Chewie. They are all that is left of the Resistance and she’s removing herself and Finn moments after Kylo executes the rest. She feels guilty.

Finn emerges from the crew bunks and has his bag slung on his shoulder. “Come on Rey we need to go,” he urges.

“We’re here,”

He nods, “yes now grab your things. It’s time to put the past behind us”.

That’s exactly what Kylo has said to her, she thinks, _let the past die Rey._ Yes, she will let the past die only she won’t be starting a future with Kylo Ren. He’s apart of the past she is determined to kill.

They exit the ship and she looks at Poe and Chewie and gives them a weak smile.

“Come here kid,” Poe says as he pulls her into an embrace.

“I’m sorry,” is all Rey can muster.

Poe pulls back and gives her a stern look. “What are you sorry for? You’re the strongest woman I know and your going to be an amazing mother to this baby,”

Yes, she is a strong woman. She will be raising this baby alone. It’s going to be difficult to hide from Kylo, but she must. Today showed just how grave her situation is. Kylo will kill her if he finds out that she has hid his child from him. The Skywalkers are obsessed with the Force but they are equally obsessed about each other. He would never forgive her.

She squeezes Poe’s shoulder and smiles. “I’m just sorry I couldn’t do more”.

“We will rebuild. Leia groomed me to be a leader. I may be a hothead flyboy, but I got the looks and charisma. Whose gonna say no to this?” Poe asserts.

Rey giggles and all tears are gone. Poe really knows how to change the mood. Chewie wishes her well and before she goes he pulls out her lightsaber.

“I thought it was broken,” she says eagerly taking it. She won’t activate it here in the spaceport, because she is sure Kylo has eyes everywhere. She will wait until they get to safety.

Chewie tells her that Leia fixed it for her. She was a Force user, despite never being properly trained.

Rey is touched that Leia would fix it for her. She is also a little shocked that the General hid this skill from her. It also hurt a little because Leia is dead, and she will never be able to properly thank her for the gift.

“Please Rey, don’t use it unless you absolutely have to,” Poe says gravely. “It will be a dead give away if you do. Only use it if they figure out it’s you and they are hauling you off to Ren, understand?”

Rey nods fully understanding what he is saying. It might even be a risk to keep it in her new dwelling.

Chewie pulls out a blaster from his holster and hands it to Rey.

She instantly recognizes it and is full of gratitude. “This is Han Solo’s blaster”.

Chewie tells her that Han would have wanted her to have it. She is overwhelmed by these gifts. Her child’s grandparents. These gifts are treasures and her feelings start to overwhelm her. Fuck Kylo Ren. She is being forced to go into exile and leave her friends because he doesn’t understand the meaning of no.

“We have to go now. There is little time to waste with a monster running the galaxy,” Poe says.

Rey takes Finns hand and says one last goodbye to her friends.

They stand together hand and hand watching the Falcon leave the spaceport and disappear. Finn turns to her and gives her a soft kiss. “Well this is it. Just you, me and our baby”.

This scares Rey. This is her new family forever. She loves Finn but not like that. She thinks in time she can grow to love him more. She will try, for both of them. They leave the spaceport hand in hand and walk towards their forever.

*******

Kylo enters his quarters and he can’t control the overwhelming feelings he has to be violent. The execution was easy, too easy. He is used to fighting in battle where the enemy is a challenge. Killing Rey’s friend Ronda or was it Rose? Regardless it wasn’t as satisfying as Kylo thought it would be. He ignited his lightsaber and proceeded to destroy all the furniture in his room, save his bed.

That didn’t feel satisfying either he thinks to himself. Nothing feels right. Nothing feels good. Nothing is good without Rey. _Rey please…_ he tries the bond again but all he can feel is utter emptiness. He screams until he can feel tears threatening to fall down his face. He will not cry. He is the Emperor for fuck sakes he will not cry over a stupid scavenger girl.

Kylo Ren is lonely. Despite having everything in the galaxy at his fingertips, he is so lonely. He hates rejection. Rey’s rejection stung. It made him feel like he was seven again, watching his father fly off with his uncle Chewie leaving him alone with his absent mother. Kylo Ren has always been _lonely_.

He moved towards his meditation room to try and channel those feelings into power. He picked up his grandfather’s mask and closed his eyes.

“Grandfather?” he called out. Kylo couldn’t feel anything and heard not even a whisper back.

“Grandfather please…. I need you…I need your guidance…please,” He begged.

Again, he was met with silence. His grandfather had never appeared to him. No matter how much Kylo begged he was ignored.

“Fuck!” Kylo screamed and threw his grandfather’s mask at the wall. He is on the verge of a break down and all he can think about is Rey. He storms back to his bedroom, gets into his bed and pulls the covers over his face. His thoughts go back to that day 6 months ago. The day when he put an end to the Resistance.

**6 weeks ago**

Kylo woke up alone in his bed. He could still feel Rey’s hands all over his body, touching him, needing him. He groans not wanting to leave his bed and the memory of what they did last night. He gets up and head to the refresher still groggy and sleepy.

The Force bond allowed them to make love. This was something he wasn’t sure was possible. It couldn’t have been a dream he knows it was real. He let’s steaming water fall down his face and he stands there thinking of her.

Patience is not one of his strengths and after last night he refuses to be patient anymore. He _needs_ her here with him. That much is clear, and he won’t let the Resistance keep her away from him anymore. He knows she will initially feel betrayed and even angry, but feelings can change and in time she will see that he did this for her, out of love.

 

He gets out of the shower and gets himself ready for the day ahead. The Resistance will die today, and Rey will be his.

“Sir we are ready,” Adras Ren his first knight calls over his commlink.

“Very good. Wait on the ship for my command,” he replies. He must make sure Rey has already left before he begins the assault on the Resistance base. He knows she is loyal to her friends and he can’t risk her getting in the way. Rey told him that she had business off world, which makes this the perfect time to attack. He reaches out to her in the Force, _Rey…_

 _Later…_ she replies. He knows she is still on Hoth, so he must exercise patience. He will wait. He will do anything for her.

Night begins to fall, and he sits in his meditation chamber waiting for a feeling or a sign from Rey that she is far from Hoth. He calls out to her again in the Force and she responds, _sleeping…_

This is the sign he has been waiting for. “Adras get the ship ready we are leaving,” Kylo commands.

“It will be done my lord,”

Kylo boards the shuttle with his knights and they take off towards Hoth to save Rey, from herself.

They stealthily land the ship making sure not to alert the rebels that they have arrived. Adras slashes the code pad on one of the bunker doors and they are in. Alarms sound as they enter the base and the place comes alive. Resistance Fighters leave their bunk rooms half dressed firing shots at them. Kylo ignites his lightsaber and unleashes his fury. He blocks a couple blaster shots before driving his lightsaber through the man before him.

They leave no survivors in their wake, no quarter. Kylo eventually makes his way to the command center and he can see General Organa through the glass talking into a commlink. He unleashes the force on the door to the command center sending metal flying through the air. He steps through the door and retracts his lightsaber before addressing the General. “Mother,” he spits his voice filled with contempt.

“Ben”. Leia’s voice is cold and unemotional. “Take off that ridiculous mask. I want to look my son in the eyes when he kills me,” she continues.

He is angry. When Rey calls him Ben it feels intimate, when his mother calls him Ben it makes him feel small, insignificant. He hates her, he hates what she stands for and hates how lousy of a mother she was.

If she wants to see him then fine. She won’t see the face of her boy though because her boy is now a man. It’s been over a decade since she has seen his face and that idea alone makes him smirk.

“As you wish,” he replies. He drops his helmet and ignites his lightsaber. His mother’s face is emotionless and unreadable. She just looks at him with disgust. He brings his lightsaber up to strike her, but he can’t do it. He can’t bring himself to kill his mother no matter how much he wants to. He uses the force to knock her out and her body falls to the floor with a thud.

He’s angry now. Angry at this mother for never caring not even in this moment. Angry at himself for being too weak to kill her. He lashes out by destroying the control panels in front of him.

He quickly turns to stop a blaster bolt aimed at his head. It’s the rebel girl Rose. He smiles and walks towards her and her eyes are wide with fear. He lets the blaster bolt go and freezes her in the Force. Adras walks in with news.

“My lord it is done. They are all dead except for three pilots that have locked themselves in a panic room”.

“Get them out Adras. We will keep them alive to execute them publicly. I’ll determine when but for now they will be our prisoners. Take his girl as well”.

Kylo unfreezes her and Adras grabs her arms and puts cuffs over them.

“You vile disgusting monster,” Rose addresses him.

He takes a knee in front of her and smirks.

“I’ll be the monster if that’s what it takes to end the war,”

She doesn’t reply with words but instead spits at him. It lands on his cheek and he wipes it off. He backhands her and gets up to tend to his mother.

“Adras once the prisoners are loaded up I will need you to prepare a room in my ship for the General”.

“Yes sir,” Adras replies.

Kylo picks up his mother the same way he picked up Rey that day in the forest on Takadona. He gently carries her to his ship and puts her in the room under Adras’s care. He thinks he knows what to do with his mother. He will not kill her, frozen in carbonite sounds very appropriate for her. Her husband was and now his mother will be as well. Family traditions are important he thinks.

*******

Kylo’s thoughts of the past are interrupted by a knock on his door. He picks up his datapad to see Adras Ren standing outside his door. He opens the door with the force and Adras comes in.

“What is it,” Kylo snaps. He isn’t in the mood for anything right now.

“My lord,” Adras begins nervously. “We have found the Millennium Falcon.”

The Millennium Falcon that’s her ship. Kylo is excited by this news. She can’t hide forever, and it was only a matter of time before they found her ship.

“Well where is it,” Kylo demands.

Adras gulps before continuing. “My lord it was abandoned,”

“What do you mean abandoned? Where is the crew? Where is the girl?” He’s angry again. She wouldn’t leave the Falcon. She is the sentimental type and a gift from Han Solo wouldn’t be given up so easily.

“We found it in a scarp yard on Jakku. We spoke the scarp yard owner and he said he woke up one morning and found that his stolen ship had returned”.

“Get out,” He said almost too softly.

“Sir?”

“I said GET OUT!” Kylo yelled. Adras left the room and Kylo screamed.

Of course, they abandoned the Falcon he thought. It was far too recognizable to travel in. She doesn’t want to be found. Not by him or by anyone else. If only she would talk to him, so he could tell her why he did what he did. He did it all for her. He won’t stop looking even if it means searching every inch of the galaxy. He will find her, and she will be his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks guys for sticking with me. I am still figuring out some of the plot as I go along. Your comments and support mean everything so thank you! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a short first chapter. I plan on making my chapters longer but since this is my first fic I want to see if anyone will read this or even care about it. I have read so many Reylo fics in the past couple of months and I wanted to try to write my own. Please leave comments good or bad, neither will bother me because I want feedback. Thanks to those who read what I have written so far even if it isn't much.


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